Adam Rice

My life and the world around me

We know you’re going to love this

Problem: The U.S. government is running rapidly increasing deficits.

Problem: The FBI/CIA/NSA are collecting enormous amounts of information about U.S. citizens (and non-citizens) that they make relatively little use of.

Problem: In an increasingly diverse media market, advertisers face growing difficulty effectively targeting and reaching their audiences.

Solution: Government spook databases will be licensed to marketing firms for the purpose of developing better advertising approaches. The Department of Homeland Security will be renamed the Department of Homeland Security & Marketing Opportunities. In the course of developing their own demographic models, marketers will discover new patterns and connections, which they will share with DHS&MO (as required under a licensing agreement), resulting both in better spying and better advertising. Database access fees will help reduce the deficit and fund more effective data-collection techniques at the DHS&MO.

Other benefits: Citizens considered to be potential security threats will be enrolled in special marketing programs that will allow them to spend their way into good standing. Conversely, citizens who do not consume enough will receive special government scrutiny to determine whether they may be security threats.

1 Comment

  1. Your problem/solution posts are shaping up to what would be a great platform for a Cynical Party Candidate. Johnathan Swift would be proud. And you’d get my vote!

    So would the phone companies get a discount on that DHS&MO demographic data in exhcange for supplying all those call detail records?

    Why don’t we just merge Equifax, Experian and Trans Union with DHS&MO while we’re at it. But would that mean privitizing DHS&MO, or socializing the Credit Reporting triopoly? Oh the possibilities.

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