Jenny writes about snacks. She rightly ridicules snacks trying too hard to be health food.

But the other end of the spectrum alarms me. I’ve noticed that at the grocery store, there are some sections I almost never visit, and when I do, I am astounded at the shit that people are evidently cramming down their gullets. Many of these products seem to be ways to extend existing manufactured food products (or at least brand names) into new niches–especially to make condiments into standalone food items, to make messy food more portable, and to claim as much shelf space as possible in an arms race of product diversification between food-manufacturing conglomerates. In the dairy section, Philadelphia-brand cheesecake bars. Tubes of yogurt–called “gogurt” if I recall correctly–that you rip open and squeeze into your mouth (I am guessing the beneficial lactobacillus has been killed in these). In the frozen-foods section, Sara Lee (I think) cheesecake “bites”. Tubes of pudding that you freeze. Cookie-dough-flavored snack food–how incredibly perverse! Eggo waffles made with Fruit Loops. Brightly packaged string-cheese logs, cheese niblets in a can, and so on. Potato chips intended to taste like baked potatoes smothered with condiments.

An analogous trend is found among hard-liquor companies producing malt beverages (ie, beer) that’s been de- and re-flavored to taste like a margarita, rum-and-coke, or whatever.

3 thoughts on “Snackorama”

  1. What, you got somethin against cookie-dough snacks?! Perverse, si. One of my new staple food groups … uh, si again.

    OTOH, I DESPISE pectin-enhanced, killed-lactobacillus yogurt. What is the fucking POINT?! And those dinky plastic containers it tends to come in, ugh. Way too high on the landfill-to-food-value ratio.

  2. The radio keeps advertising a concoction called Gruv “the energy drink with alcohol.” (Unfortunately, I’m unable to find a site about it online.) Apparently, its like a wine cooler with Ginseng, Vitamin B, and other stuff that probably shouldn’t go with a distilled malt beverage. I suppose Miller is trying to capitalize on the Red-Bull-and-vodka craze, but I get a good laugh each time I hear “energy drink with alcohol.”

  3. Gogurt? It was a passing fad/staple for the younger set here in the Hobrtaschk household. Once they got big enough that it became apparent that the quantity was less than satisfying, they stopped liking it so much. OK, we stopped buying it when it became apparent that it took two or three to satisfy growing appetites.

    But as far as I could tell, it was yougurt like any other yogurt … yummy lactobacillus included.

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