New technology creates new social phenomena, etiquette problems being one of them. Caller ID is not a new technology, but at some point in the past few years, its ubiquityâ€”especially with cellphones, which have better text displays than landline phonesâ€”has created one of these etiquette problems.
Traditionally (where by “traditionally,” I mean “ten years ago”), when Alice calls Bob and gets Bob’s voicemail, Alice leaves a message at least saying “it’s Alice, call me back.” But over the last few years, we’ve seen a different approach. Charlie calls Bob, gets Bob’s voicemail, and just hangs up. Charlie knows that Bob has caller ID and will be able to see that Charlie calledâ€”Charlie figures that’s all the information Bob needs to return the call.
Bob may have the same approach as Charlie, in which case this is fine. But Bob may figure that if Charlie had anything that needed a response, then Charlie would have left a message. Bob doesn’t return the call and eventually hears again from Charlie, who indignantly asks “why didn’t you call me back?” There’s a mismatch in expectations. Neither one is right or wrong, necessarily, but the mismatch can create friction.
I’m reminded of the distinction between ask culture and guess culture, although in this context, it might be more accurate to say it’s a difference between tell culture and guess culture.
Or perhaps it’s just a matter of etiquette that we as a society haven’t quite sorted out yet. I was talking about this at dinner with some friends who are all around my ageâ€”we all agreed that people should leave messages. There might be an age component to this.
1 thought on “Getting the message”
This was a huge deal between a former girlfriend and me. She would call and not leave messages because “I would see that she called.” Sometimes I would call her back and it would be something that she didn’t need me for anymore. The whole process angered me so I made it clear: LEAVE A MESSAGE IF YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU BACK!